PAYLESS THAN LESS!

I literally stumbled into Payless yesterday, in Herald Square, to relieve my mangled, blistered feet. I figured it was one of the only stores where I wouldn’t be attacked by perfume samples and eager salespeople. Thankfully I was right. Within a sea of 5’2″ shoppers, I marched through, just under 6″ expecting the usual deer interrupted looks. I stood momentarily, scanning the crowd. Amid flying peds and last-pair tug-of-wars, I noticed faces that wouldn’t have even flinched if I yelled, “Bomb!”, (until they found the right size shoe). I was an invisible Daddy Long Leg spider on an ant farm.

With a sigh of relief, I plopped myself down onto one of the benches. Once I freed my feet from their fashionable torture chamber, otherwise known as gladiator sandals, I began to see the color in my veins rush through again. For a while before, they looked like those clear Chinese noodles ready to snap! The blood was finally pulsing in my feet and oxygen moved freely toward my brain. Unfortunately for me, that meant noticing the big, bold, red SALE letters. I instantly fled my place of retreat, and began following the ant trail.

I scurried along with the crowd after freeing both hands of any technological devices. I had no time to spare and needed to prepare my arms for speed shoe-box scooping. The trail first led me through the size 5 aisle, where I tripped over the little ones that stayed behind. After size 6 and 7 aisles, I made my way to the front of the trail. My heart pitter-pattered with glee, realizing I would be the first in line toward the size 9 aisle! The pit in my stomach started to swell as I approached a dead end. I raced back through every aisle with no signs of the size 9 section. Just like a lost ant, I nervously swerved along a shaky path to nowhere.

Significant time passed before I noticed an inconspicuous sign that read, “Women’s size 9+”, with a tiny arrow pointing toward the second floor. I hesitantly climbed the stairs as if entering the X-rated section of a video store. Hiding amongst endless rows of XXL shoes, were only two members of the abnormally large-footed species. Without fear of embarrassment, I joined their club and shuffled through shoes that could be used as canoes for those 5’2 shoppers! To my surprise, I found that even in a size 10, most of the shoes retained their cuteness!!

2 comments June 4, 2009